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General

Minister’s Nightmare ! Guard’s Dream !

Aroon Sharma
Dec 2010

( The minister resigned at midnight. The morning after. Exclusive Coverage: )

Ex Minister at the top of his voice: Shankarrrrrrrr ?

( hereinafter referred to as Ex-M )

Guard: Sir, Shankar Pratap has left. I am the new guard, Mahavir Kumar !

( hereinafter referred to as Maha-K )

Ex-M shouts: Why did he leave ? With whose permission ? Rubbish !

Maha-K: Sir, NSG recalled him. And the Delhi Police has posted me.

Ex-M screams: You with a lathi ? Is that a security cover ? Nonsense !

Maha-K: Sir, MPs get only constables with lathis ! That, too, only select ones !

Ex-M yells: Will you stop parroting that I am not a minister anymore !

Maha-K: Sorry Sir, I dare not. Forgive me, Sir. I am new to this MP beat !

Ex-M shrieks: Where were you posted before this ? Illiterate idiot ?

Maha-K: Sir, I was a beat constable at Sabzi Mandi !

Ex-M mutters obscenity: Now where are the daily durbar visitors ? You blind owl ?

Maha-K: Yes Sir, there were three visitors ? All on government duty ?

Ex-M fumes: Only three ? Who ? Where are they ? You useless stray pig ?

Maha-K: Sir, they were on duty. They did it and left ! All had identity cards !

Ex-M bellows: You, too, are on duty. You haven’t left. Why did they ? Sneaky rats ?

Maha-K: First took away your car; the second your name plate; the third the RAX !!

Ex-M roars: And you let those thieves get away ? Good for nothing guard. Get out ?

Maha-K: Sir, the car with a beacon light is for ministers only, like the RAX !

Ex-M frothing at mouth: As if I were to have them in breakfast ? Ungrateful government ?

Maha-K: Sir, if its urgent, you can ride astride my Lambretta !

Ex-M fuming with rage: You and your Lambretta of 60s. Go drown yourself in a gutter ?

Maha-K: This Lambretta lay unclaimed for 30 years. DCP sahib said be it out of my sight !

Ex-M holds his head in despair: No nameplate ! No RAX ! No daily durbar ! My foot ?

Maha-K: Sri Bhagwad Gita says nobody can escape the results of his karma !

Ex-Min blows his top: Will you shut up ? Get off my back ? You hollow rotten egg head ?

Maha-K: I would go ! But you know how media would hound me for the why and when of it !

Ex-M spitting fire: And you would cook up tales of my torture ? You skunk of a junk ?

Maha-K: Sir, Lord Buddha on being abused said, if you give & I don’t take, it remain yours !

Ex-M simmers with rage: You mean I have abused myself on the rebound ? You moron ?

Maha-K: Media reminds me, an OBC van was outside when your car was being driven away !

Ex-M: And you let the cameras roll ? May a roll roader run over you. You imbecile ?

Maha-K: Whatever, Sir. The good news is that your new name plate has been put up !

Ex-M flares nostrils: Read it out to me ? I hope you can ? You beast of a burden ?

Maha-K: It is a brass plate, gleaming, Sir, with your name. It reads good, Sir !

Ex-M flares up: Can’t you honestly say that my designation has been deleted ? You cheat ?

Maha-K: Manu Smriti ordains, say not the whole truth if it grieves the already aggrieved !

Ex-M loses cool : Must you quote sages ? Are all constables trained in that ? You crook ?

Maha-K: No, Sir, not trained ! But we train ourselves to make a mental note of all abuses !

Ex-M roars: So you have memorised the foul names I called you ? You rat in the mole ?

Maha-K: Here Sir, to recollect every word hurled at us is a part of our training !

Ex-M blabbers: And you will you tell all what I said. You stink-sack of stupidity ?

Maha-K: No Sir ! I concede I have memorised every abuse. But for posterity. Who knows ?

Ex-M: Who knows ? What who knows ? You think I don’t know ? You despicable creep ?

Maha-K: Sir, I was musing about who knows the twist and turns, the tide and times !

Ex-M: True, very true ! Lady luck may smile again ! I may be a Minister again ! Get it ?

Maha-K: Destiny dances, too, Sir. A prince turns a pauper; the pauper a prince ! I was told !

Ex-M: Means you as my minister; Me as your guard ? You stray dog of a day-dreamer ?

Maha-K: Sir, for that very day ! For your ears ! I have memorised all your choicest abuses !

-ends-

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